Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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