everyone is single if you try hard enough
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
