She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
