I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
