If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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