I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
