i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
