I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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