So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
