So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
