I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
