It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
