He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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