At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
