she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
