If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
