"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
