Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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