Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize