I can text with my tongue
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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