Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i've created a new STD.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
