he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
