its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
