wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
