Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
