My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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