also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
