then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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