I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
