Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
