I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
