He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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