I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
this will be a night to untag.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
