He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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