i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
