Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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