Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize