i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
