I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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