They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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