Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
