I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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