I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
