Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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