Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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