so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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