omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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