Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
