I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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