Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
