Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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