Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Every concussion has its silver lining
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
