I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
