Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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