I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
