I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Did you just see the Batmobile???
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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