PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
