Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
