I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
