pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
