he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
