So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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