where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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