I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
