Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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