the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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