Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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