Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
