ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
