blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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