Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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