watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
