I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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