did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i dont even know how to be here
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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