You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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