What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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