i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
