you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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