just tell him i said nine months
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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