The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
smell my finger.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
