So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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