i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
