The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
