So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize